Damnation

 Forgive my sin. But I loathe him; I did something terrible for a short moment of glory and applause for trying. I... I killed the traitor. Because of him, she died. My love, she resisted, not like me. I was scared. I still am. She didn’t want to give up our country willingly, and I lost her and did nothing. Everyone I knew just watched except her. Killing him makes me relieved. He thought selling our nation would keep him safe; maybe this will change things. Maybe I doomed my family by resisting. Because I want to be free. Free to make my own choices.  He deserves hell, and I hope we will meet there so I can tell him it was me who sent him there early. We could defend ourselves and survive, but our leader only wanted money and more power. Letting their armies in and commanding us to do nothing. Before we realised what was happening, they won without trying. They already knew who to get rid of when they came. Executing our leaders. This bastard knew he would lose the next election, so he would rather sell all of us to our foe than lose. Since his betrayal, they took our resources, our pride, our spirit. Everyone was forced to give them everything of value. We went from prosperity to owning nothing. We cannot own houses or cars. We own nothing and must be happy working for them. They act like they are better than us. They kill everyone who speaks up or doesn´t follow their orders. They mock us. Humiliating us every day. “Die for our future.” They don´t even try to hide it anymore. I think they will avenge his death, make an example of me, and I am afraid they will make an example of my family, too. I hope my death will start something and not end our desire for freedom. Maybe killing the person who started it will end it. Sorry, everyone—you will suffer for my actions, and I am too afraid to face the consequences. I am a selfish coward, just like when they came. The only thing different is that I am brave enough to avenge her. Can I go to heaven for murder, even if it’s deserved, or is there no justification? I wish to know if I changed something in this nation. I will never know. I am tired. I need to rest. The world is getting darker. I just need to close my eyes.  Don’t give up like I did. Forgive me for letting you down, my love, but I know you would have done the same.